Seeing and Being Real

No one has the power to set another person free. One can only hope for the wisdom and courage to free oneself. Psychologically  I am bound to my present circumstances, feeling responsible for those that surround me. I believe it’s a childish desire to want to make sure that those we love are happy, secure, and free of want. In me, this desire was probably rooted in a childhood in which extremes were the rule. The erratic behaviour of my artist father kept things on edge, and my efforts to please, distract,  or comfort my loved ones began at an early age. It became an habitual way of dealing with crisis.

So, yes, I do know that the problem lies with me. I am accustomed to wearing myself out making sure that everyone else is alright, while I am the one who is not alright, and I am the one I need to set free – from the past, not the present. There may be very real things going on around me reminding me of threatening elements from my past, but I have no more control of them now than I did as a child.  Well, yes, I can help in practical ways. I can help a beloved grandchild to feel safe and happy for a little while, but how can I ease the extreme reactions of my fearful self to situations involving the child or grandchild for whom I am a peripheral influence. I have no say in how they are raised, no real control over that which affects them. This is a fact that I need to convince myself of deep down. The burden I bear is not real, but one I took on before a realistic perception was possible. The question  is: How do I convince that part of me who continues to dance as fast as she can to save others from threats she herself no longer needs saving from? How do I set her free from an old, old dance?

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