Ode To A Benevolent Camelia

Camelia in Hand (Black & White) 108 (1024x768) (3)All week I have been beset by an inexplicable weariness.  I seem to move in contrast to the bouyant  me I celebrated in my last blog. My new eyes still astound me, though the dryness brought on by the drops I continue to apply is  uncomfortable. Frequent “Tears” are necessary to keep the vision clear. I have continued to take photographs, but without the enthusiasm of recent weeks. The physical tiredness that slows my body slows my mind as well. My whole system struggles to keep up with small tasks…to interract with children, grandchildren and dogs, yet my heart is especially tender. Emotionally I am raw…as aware of the sorrows of others as of my own. I am torn between pushing myself to carry on with the usual responsibilities – hiding my weakness and vulnerability – or yielding heavily to my present being…blessing the weight that pulls me toward surrender.

Yesterday, as I walked home heavily, little dogs pulling me eagerly down the path toward our house, I noticed one large camelia on an otherwise barren bush. It hung low on the bush, almost concealed by the dark green leaves of the plant.  The flower was obviously bowed down by its own lush blooming, and I felt myself strongly drawn to its solitary and barely evident expression. I must take the dogs inside and return to photograph this unexpected gift…slipping my left hand beneath cool petals to turn its face to the light.

Camelia Plucked from Bush 110 (768x1024) (2)After taking the shot, I found that I couldn’t leave it to be beaten down further by oncoming rain. I must pluck it and carry it with me to place in an old blue bottle that lives in my kitchen window. Of course I photographed its journey to a new setting.

Camelia in Blue Bottle 115 (752x1024) (2)Her head still drooped a bit with the weight of her own loveliness… and the effort of blooming for all the other buds that remained tight-closed and fell to the ground unrealized.

As I aimed the camera and shot the simplicity of flower in bottle, I thought of a sculpture, perhaps born of a similar weariness at another time in my life. A reclining woman, a resting woman… Placed beneath the benevolent countenance of the Camelia, she seemed to complete the image. I felt that I was being shown by my slightly wakened creativity my present reality: bowed down by the years of blooming…in great need of rest. Weariness must be affirmed as a beautiful thing. no shame in letting go…in yielding to this moment in time that claims me.

Camelia in Blue with Sculpture 116 (768x1024) (2)As I shifted the sculpure in relation to the Camelia in the bottle, my sense of play returned; my spirit froliced a little as I leaned gratefully into the beauty of the years that weigh me. I watched my familiar body lie down and felt the deliciousness of surrender to the light that made me.

Camelia (A Benevolent Flower or Let Her Rest) 119 (1024x778) (2)


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2 Responses to “Ode To A Benevolent Camelia”

  1. Kendall Says:

    I dearly love each step of this journey. Feel the deliciousness of surrender. No shame, no shame at all in letting go. I am right beside you in the frolic of being easy on ourselves.

  2. leiflife Says:

    You always are right beside me. Lovely to frolic on the inside while the outside surrenders. Thanks, dear friend…

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