I believe in flow.
Flow has been at the heart of my life as a dancer.
If dance has been like a river flowing
throughout my life,
changing times and an aging body
has caused the river to branch into tributaries
of poetry, clay sculpture, drawing and music.
Singing has had its turn
and painting, too,
to flow around obstacles created by doubt.
Doubt has often loomed heavily,
obscuring the way,
and times of despair have caused drought.
My progress has stalled…
bogged down in the muck;
my heart feels dry and my world
appears colorless for a while.
Recently, decorating pottery in the Shearwater annex
has brought flow and color back to my life.
I have found renewal in the clay:
the feel, look, smell of this earthy substance
has grounded my body…
revived my heart.
My right arm –
stalled by extensive and painful surgery –
has grown strong and brave,
and has carried out my purpose
of resuming the flow.
The river of dance –
still present in my seventy-year-old being –
has formed yet another tributary.
Praise heaven and all the angels:
I am able to bring color to my world!
As my confidence has grown in the present flow, I have pondered sculptural shapes: free-form vessels formed by my hands, conducive to my particular style of decorating. Not instead of my work at the annex with my dear women companions, but a possible means of growth…a chance to explore. So clay was purchased – and a small expensive kiln. The latter with considerable fear and trembling. At my age you do not take on such things as blithely as when younger. I approached the clay before the kiln was delivered, as tentatively as someone who had never created clay sculptures before. I wedged the clay, slamming it down repeatedly to soften it…bring it to yielding. I felt my shoulder object, and I wondered what I was doing. I felt old and scared: doubt did its damnedest to stop the meager flow that was trickling forth. My hands kept moving: pushing, pulling, stretching and stroking despite the doubt…despite the twinges of pain. I didn’t last long that first session. I wasn’t encouraged by this beginning. I covered her quickly, a bit embarrassed by my efforts. It took a while to return. When I did, I reminded myself that judgment at this point was foolish; completion was so far off, and decorating and firing were more than half of it. I had begun!
A few days later the kiln was delivered from Dogwood Ceramics via movers I had hired. It rode in the back of a truck thoroughly crated in wood. I was daunted, but the movers dealt with it vehemently. Finally the kiln stood on my screen porch where the old non-functioning one had stood for years. But it did not look right. The box on the front: the computer and electrical unit was pulled out, metal bent, screws pulled loose. There was obvious damage. The kiln, expected to contribute to the flow, is itself an obstacle. A terrible question looms: Who is responsible? Another: Can I keep faith that the river of dance that is my life will maintain its flow. Of course I can… But I might need a boat.
Tags: Clay sculpture, Creative Exploration, Damaged Deliveries, Dance, Decorating Pottery, Dogwood Ceramics, Faith, Kilns, Obstacles, Paragon Kilns, River as Metaphor, Shearwater Pottery
September 22, 2014 at 11:48 pm |
Here on your behalf is a great cry and a flow of tears as well as the flow through the vessel, the flow into the great flowing. If you have a need to stay positive, I can voice your rage and anger and disappointment for you in a comment. And I do.
October 1, 2014 at 10:55 pm |
Dearest Kendall, we have often assisted one another to emotional and spiritual completion. And here you are again as I bumble along, expecting great things of myself (including staying positive), while the great cry and flow of tears is once more offered up by the bestest of buddies. It is a bit late, but I truly thank you.
September 23, 2014 at 2:08 pm |
Hi L
This sharing makes me want to see you dance. (Do I remember correctly that you wrote a book or manual about your dance form Airth? I’d be interested in seeing it. Is it still in print?)
I did a search on line…..Airth castle in Scotland….hmmm.
next …..Ok I found it.
I’m glad you have found many ways to ‘dance’ into balance through writing, and pottery and photography and more.
That is exciting to hear about you getting a kiln!!!
I have worked with clay too (many years ago) and enjoyed the sensual earthyness of the process.
And flow FLOW….I can relate to the central nature of flow in ones life. It seems that that is one of the main components of dance for me.
Well I look forward to hear about your next phases of working with clay or anything else you do.
xxoo
October 1, 2014 at 11:01 pm |
Ahhh Gel… Still with me, my distant friend, surprising me again and again with your understanding of my stubborn addiction to flow. Of course it is with us all the time…even as we stumble over life’s obstacles. “…dance into balance.” Oh yes…